Gratefulness

Why is it so easy for us, and maybe I shouldn't include everyone in this, to see the bad things in life ? It seems so much easier to believe a criticism than a compliment, to dwell on those things that you still "need" rather than remember all the many blessings you already have, to worry so much about things you haven't been able to accomplish yet than to give yourself credit for so much that you do everyday ?

It seems to me that credit is very seldom given, or at least not nearly enough to those that deserve it, such as: Heavenly Father, ourselves, our kids, husbands, friends, etc... Whoever they may be.

Today is not Thanksgiving, but I'm feeling very grateful. So, here a a few of my favorite "things".

I am grateful for my kids. What a blessing it is!!! They are the reason why I try to better myself everyday, the reason why I have grown so much. They make me happy, they literally give ME life. They love me unconditionally and even though I tell them I love them everyday, I still don't think they quite understand exactly everything that they mean to me. How great and amazing that we can have that opportunity to know that kind of love.

I am grateful for Shane. Do I want to kill him half the time? Yes! Have my gray hairs increased exponentially since I've met him? Yes!! Can he frustrate me and push my buttons like no one else can? Yes!!! Does he live in his dream world? Yes!!!! But how can I not love him? He wakes up singing and smiling. He never holds a grudge or throws "things" in my face, something I can't say about myself. In almost 10 years of marriage he has never said I looked ugly, or fat, and I KNOW I have looked less than attractive at times. He always makes me feel beautiful!! He laughs at my jokes and doesn't ever judge me. I KNOW he loves me.

I am grateful for Heavenly Father. What an amazing person he must be/is. How selfless. How loving. How merciful and kind. How can we begin to understand him? How can we begin to understand perfection? A perfect love...for ALL. My mind just can't grasp someone like that. In theory I understand, but he is still a mystery to me. Can you imagine...close your eyes if you can (or when you can) going back to your Father in Heaven? Can you imagine what it will feel like when you see Him again, remember Him. Can you imagine the feeling of having his arms around you ? The warmth. Your heart full of light, and love and total and complete happiness. If that is not enough reason to try and try and try again to be better, I don't know what is.

I am grateful for my family. My brothers and sister. For being able to grow up with them and learn from them. Each one of them is such unique individuals. Each one has so many different talents, likes, dreams, accomplishments, but all are part of my life, contributed to who I am. Yes...it is all YOUR fault. :P We are not a very touchy, feely family and I don't think we say nearly enough that we love each other, but I do love each one of you. It sure is a blessing.

I am grateful for other seemingly small things such as:

Beautiful songs and artists that had the courage to put down on paper or dance or music, such works of art that can completely change your mood or your view of the world. Open your heart for other good things, be it love, the spirit or just whatever may come your way.

The example of so many selfless prophets and leaders who give their lives so we can find ours. As well as, other "ordinary" people that serve and try to make this world a better place.

My home. My "things". My cars, refrigerator, dishwasher, washer & dryer and any other gadget that makes our lives a little easier. Nothing wrong with that, I think.

My job. My calling in the Nursery. Kids that age are selfish, yet so willing to give. Innocent and sweet, yet they know what they want and definitely what they don't want. You just can't help but smile around them.

Friends. All the laughs, adventures, sleepovers... The stories we can remember. When I die I want to see a it all flash before my eyes. What a way to go huh?

I probably could go on forever, but it would make for a very, very long blog, and I have things to do. So, if I could give anyone, any advice on happiness, it would be...every so often put on your PJ's, some happy, relaxing music and make a list of the things you are grateful for. You'll be amazed at all the things you come up with and the difference it can make on your outlook on life. It did in mine.

Rainbow after the Storm

For a while now I have been quite depressed. About a year ago we lost our business because of the economy among other things, and we kept quite a few bills. Paying those bills has been a struggle as well as the thought that I'm not getting any younger, my kids are getting bigger and consequently more expensive and we don't have ANY security, was just eating me up inside and when one thing goes wrong, there seems to have a snowball effect. My husband started working for my parents, I work for my parents, I live in the manager's house (my parent's) and the only "friends" I hung out with were ... my parents. That in and of itself was not an "ideal" scenario, at...all. I was my husband's boss and my parents were my bosses (is this right?) and I was in between all of them. Can you say...STRESSFUL?

With that comes fights and disagreements. Frustration and a feelings of hopelessness. I seemed to get sick all the time, which added to my frustration. I was always angry...with my husband, with myself and worst of all...with my kids. For a year I have been struggling to "feel" better, to fix things, to feel like I had control or at least, was moving in the right direction, without success. I felt like digging my head on the dirt and staying there...permanently if possible, but when you have kids, and you love them, you don't have that luxury. You get up...you get out and you work. The only things that kept me going were my kids and a "hope" of peace in the afterlife, that seemed tooo far away to make a noticeable difference.

I'm a Christian. I go to church every Sunday. I pay my tithing. I try to help others. I try to support my husband, but most of the time I have to push him. I'm definitely not perfect, but I am trying my hardest. Do you know how hard it is to have to push someone when you, yourself, have to be dragged out of bed? It is not an easy feat. I kept trying and pushing and longing for relief. I'm usually the tough, quiet type when it comes to my problems, besides the fact that I don't have anyone I can talk to, who wouldn't add to my problems anyways.

I realize that adversities are a part of life, an opportunity to grow and that we are not tested above our capacity. I understand that. But when you are in the middle of one of those phases it is hard to keep your sight on the big picture, isn't it?! It seems like a dark cloud simply obscures your thoughts. Besides the fact that we are creatures who forget soooooo easily. We have to be constantly reminded. I know I do.

When I thought I could not handle it anymore, when I thought divorce was imminent (a terrible thought), when I thought I had lost all hope...I remembered!!!! How could I have been so...forgetful ? (putting it nicely). What was I forgetting to do? What could possibly help? To many of you who are atheists or those who haven't put it to the test, this will just sound silly. Me and my husband (after much convincing), have started to read the scriptures...separately. Why separately? Because sometimes you are able to get answers to questions or inspirations that you wouldn't otherwise receive if both are reading together. Personal answers.

Since I have started, my life did not transform into a bed of roses, neither have my bills and/or all my problems disappeared, but somehow, they have become...workable. Hope is on the horizon and my energy level has greatly increased as well as, my patience, with my husband and my kids. Me and Shane have started to get along...GREAT, as a matter of fact. Right now I can honestly say that I love him more now than I have ever loved him before. There is always a rainbow after the storm.

Will these feelings last forever? They could. Hopefully next time around, I will either be stronger, because I continued to do those things I KNOW will help, such as praying, reading the scriptures, going to church/temple, having family prayer, etc... or I'll remember...again...

Have I ever told you I have a problem with constancy? :-P

And so life continues.

Zumba Fan

For a couple of years now, I have worked in a office managing apartments for half the day. When I come back home, between 1:00 and 5:00, whenever I get done with what I needed to do for that day, I eat, rest for a minute if possible, then kids get home, I do laundry, pay bills, make dinner, fix the house a little bit, take kids to classes, go to bank, do grocery shopping, read with the kids, etc... Those things that every mother does, I am sure. Needless to say, I am out of shape, waaaaaaaaayyyy out of shape, because even though I don't stop all day, and I am pooped by the end of the day, it isn't cardio or strength training, is it?

So, the other day I came across Zumba. Zumba is a dance workout. They use salsa, samba, pop and many other types of music. Obviously, most aerobic classes uses some kind of music, but what interested me was the fact that most of the moves ARE dance moves, and I LOVE to DANCE. So, I researched online for classes in my area and found classes in a gym a block away from my house. Who would of thought!! And the great thing about it is that they fit perfectly with my schedule. Yeppieeeeeee!!! This is a small town and there is not a lot of options and I always seemed to find the classes I wanted...at VERY inconvenient times.

The first class I went to last Wednesday, I thought I was going to die. OK, maybe not die, but I really had to stop for quite a while and put my head between my legs (Ya, don't laugh), because I felt like I was going to pass out and if you know me, I am 5'10" and not skinny. Can you imagine having to lift me up? It would have been soooooo embarassing. I thought my heart was going to come out my mouth. My legs were so weak after the first 15 minutes, that dance, the part I actually like, was not possible. They just would not do what I wanted them to do. I did see that, when I did get in shape, it would probably something I would keep doing because I enjoyed it.

Now I am happy to report that I am on my third class, and I DID NOT FAINT, neither did I stop at all during the whole class. I am still not jumping as high or squatting as low, or moving as fast as the teacher, DUH!!! but I did tons better.

Like many other goals I have started and a month later they were out the window, this one might have the same fate...I have a problem with constancy, but I will try once again. My goal is to feel better, firm up a bit and if possible lose a few pounds. Will I be able to maintain my goal, will I quit a little while from now? Ohhhhhh the suspense!!!!!  Ohhhhhh, does anyone care???

Well, my point to all this rambling is that...if you like to dance and need to get in shape, or stay in shape, try Zumba. It's fun.

Here's a sample class: Zumba Class

(This has been a unpaid advertisement for Zumba. If you are in any way affiliated to Zumba and would like to pay me money to keep rambling on about how great Zumba is, please contact me ASAP!!! I could use the money for Lipo if this thing does not work. Thanks for your time. )

 

Reward

A couple of days ago me and my three kids went to Chuck E Cheese. Believe it or not, my kids have never been there before (am I a terrible mother or just wise?), but my 9 year old son, came up to me a little bit over a month ago trying to make a deal. He and his sister, who overheard the conversation and joined in the negotiations, promised me that if I took them to Chuck E Cheese's they would read everyday...OK, maybe not everyday but, every...weekday (their wording), without complaining and whining (their typical reaction), for 30 minutes. Hey, when you get a chance to make your life easier while getting your kids to do homework, you jump at it. I can't say there weren't any relapses, some breakdowns and make-up days, but for the most part it went a lot smoother than usual. I have made similar "deals" with my kids before, but the usual outcome was discouragement, after all, a month is like an eternity to them and common responses to a friendly reminder of our deal was not taken so...peacefully.

I could not believe it. They did it !!!! We did it !!! Yes, I do deserve "some" acknowledgement, all mothers do. My gosh, it is not an easy task. :P But, I have seen a big improvement in my son's reading. Poor thing, he is dyslexic and school has been really hard for him.

Now they've seen it, and done it, now what?  They don't care so much about going there again. I have to find another bribe, errrr, I mean, motivation. Anyone have ideas? Please make them good because when it comes to "deals", they should have gotten a Master's in business already...funny how that works, huh?!

Until the next time me and my kids play Deal or No Deal, here are the pics from C E C's.

Older brother went along for the ride. Hummm, my bathroom needed cleaning,

should have make a deal with him. hehehe

Don't know if you can tell, but she has some tongue action going on.

For the money I spent in tokens, I could have bought them a REAL toy.

Of course, I could not have bought the good times we had together. Corny, but true.



Truths for Mature Adults

I just received this from a friend and thought it was very funny. I'm pretty sure you can relate to at least a couple of them. Go ahead...laugh.

 1. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. 

2. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

3. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
 
4. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? (This one I actually know how) :-)

5. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
 
6. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

7. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
 
8. Bad decisions make good stories.
 
9. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

10. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

11. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

12. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

13. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

14. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

15. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

16. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

17. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

18. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

19. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

20. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

21. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

Ladies.....Quit Laughing...never mind...laugh away...hehehe



Memories

Going through some of my friends' pictures on Orkut, I stumbled upon a very old one. Wow!! My heart was tight and so much went through my head. So many memories, so much fun, so many friends, sleepovers, little kids' parties. So happy... It almost made me cry. I know many of you think I'm pretty tough, but you'd be surprised the silliest of things make me cry. Probably my fault, I try hard not to show it. But never mind that.

Here it is...I hope he doesn't mind me "stealing" it. If anyone comes back and it is not here anymore, it's because I probably shouldn't of posted it without asking. :P

Hummmm. Where was I that I was not invited? This picture is just priceless.

If anyone has some of these old pictures and would like to send them to me to

post on my blog that would be so much fun !!!!!!!!!

My B-Day

I can't believe another year has passed. Time seems to be flying. Everyone I talk to seems to be saying the same thing. Do you think it really might be? Maybe the earth is spinning faster and because the universe might be also, scientists didn't notice. OK. Well, it was just a thought. I can't say I was thrilled to turn 36, but it could be a lot worse. The age is not the problem, the problem are all the things I wish I could have done, but never did and a few that probably should have been avoided. Nevertheless, life continues whether I like it or not. It continues. Although sometimes I feel like I have been in my thirties since my twenties. I know, it doesn't make sense. But that is life for ya, or maybe it's life...for me.

Well, enough of the deep stuff, if you can call it that. Even though my husband forgot my birthday, as well as my kids (they have never remembered), my parents, two of my brothers, Jan Paul and David, and my sister Roselene called to wish me a happy birthday. After all the phone calls (unusual activity), my husband suddenly disappeared...guess where he went? Yes, I got red roses, which have been a while. He claims he remembered yesterday, but then forgot about it today. Huuuuummmm, sure dear.

Went to watch "You Again". Love movies. My mother-in-law took me (I love her). Yep, just me and her. Does it sound lame? Absolutely not!! Actually it was quite fun. Cute movie. If you ever had the same experience of being bullied in school you kind of relate to it. I was. For one year in Aurora, Colorado. Always called it my hell. Still remember her name...Holly. Wish I could remember her last name. If I researched my yearbook from 6th grade I could find out, but it really isn't worth it, is it. After that I had many a wonderful years. Best time of my life. There is always a rainbow after the storm isn't there?!

Came back home, put the kids down to sleep. My computer time...now, my blog time. Checked my e-mails. Happy to find so many happy birthday wishes... here are a few:

Karime wrote:
"Cindy minha flormosura !!! Happy Birthday! Desejo-lhe tanto mas tanto ...nega maluca, brigadeiro, coxinha, pasteuzinho,risolis,canudinhos,churrasquinho, cachorro Clark Kent oops quente I mean lol!!! Menina, oro ao Pai Celestial que continue abencoando-lhe sempre e que sempre seja essa pessoa linda e meiga...e sexi nono no.. pq sexy sou eu hehehe tu es sechi memo heheheh viu soah ... e q ue continue a mesma doida de sempre que nem "mais eu" :) ueeeeeeee? KD vc? Olha...eu sei que ainda existe a Cindy ai dentro de "mais oce"hehehe desperta ela vai... sorria..."La vita è bella" bjssssssssaudades sempre....KA

ps Sorry, como canta o Rei Roberto...sao tantas as emoces...Cindy, tu es mae e sabe que o tempo e curto pois nao? Entao copiei do orkut e aqui deixo entao um abracaoooobjsaudadesempre lindona!!!!"

Since I've known her, about 20 years ago, she has always been so sweet and she always makes people around her feel good. Thanks Karime.

Luciano (TCHUP):
Feliz aniversário, Parabéns!@!

Another one of those people that just makes you happy. Last time we were together we went for pizza and my jaw started to hurt because I was laughing so much the whole time. Miss ya...good times.

Sandra wrote:
"Feliz aniversario cunhada. Um dia bem especial para ti. bjs"

Os Abrantes posted on your Wall.
Os wrote:
"Parabens....um dia feliz..Bjs"

My dear sister-in-law. Always so thoughtful. I don't think she ever forgets anyone's birthday. I should be ashamed. She also sent me an e-card that said: "Wishing you the warmth from a beautiful day" ... I thought that was such a great wish. Thanks!!! Also, her parents. They make such a cute couple!

Geisa:Olá Cindy, parabéns, muitas felicidades....
Estamos com saudades...
Bjs

Miss this one too. Miss Brazil, the people, our dinners and pool parties.

Kelvyn:
parabenss
td de melhor
muitas felicidadess

bejo

Now, this one I did not expect. Nice kid. Don't know him that well but that was very kind of him.

Solange Ignácio:Parabens, muitas felicidades e tudo de bom pra vc. Bjkas

Another friend that brings back good memories.

Profº Vivan:
Parabéns!!!!!!!!!!

Every time I think that he is a teacher and I can tell he is beloved by his students, makes me giggle. Nothing funny about it, just wonderful to see the world turn, see how life turns out. Thanks!

Ana Paula para Cindy Lee. te desejo muitas felicidades nesse dia tao especial parabéns!!!!!!!! ERNANI para Cindy Lee. Olá, Cindy! Feliz Aniversário! Que este teu dia seja muito especial! Um abraço ! Ana Paula, always beautiful. Her husband can sing and play a mean guitar. Will never forget the song he sang to me the Sunday before I left Brazil. Miss them soooo much!!! Jennifer wrote: "FELIZ ANIVERSARIO PRIMINHA!!!!!!! Hope you have a Great day!!!!!! :)" My cousin. Soon to have a new bundle of joy. Thanks for remembering and good luck with your family. adriana: Oi Cindy minha amiga,FELIZ ANIVERSARIO,q seu dia hje seja maravilhoso,curta ele como se fosse o ultimo,hehehehe,e parabéns mesmo,vc merece...continue sendo esta mae maravilhoso q tem sido e amiga...mesmo a distancia sendo grande vc sempre esta em meus pensamentos e lembro-me sempre de vcs,como foi bom nossos anos juntos aqui no Brasil,amigos e familia...obrigado por vc ser esta pessoa tao especial em nosso vida,seja feliz,bjos...

My "cousin-in-law". Great fun, remember the beach. Shane made us laugh all night. Miss you guys!!!!!!
Claudia e Paul:
Happy Bday!!! por uma semana temos o mesmo numero de veroes vividos... sooo young!!!hahaa...esperamos que tenha um otimo dia, beijao.

My sister-in-law and brother. Thanks Claudia. In a few more days and it will be your turn.


Alfeu wrote:
"Cada ano vc fica mais linda. Parabéns pelo seu aniversário!!!" 

Great friend, super in shape. My inspiration for working out while in the Clinica de Recuperacao in SP. Thanks Alfeu. You always remember.

The Beginning

Dump, gallery, therapy, escape, brag book, journal, collection.

This blog is a mish mash of everything that I like, that I love, that sends me crazy, makes me cry,

makes me giggle, makes me hungry, makes me mad and makes me feel, that inspires me and on occasion transforms me, even if for just a little while.

 My favorite things.

Not meant for anyone, but shared with whoever, if anyone.